(no subject)

[beauofkilronan]

Lost my phone in a bar whilst on a night out yesterday. Probably got stolen, didn’t set up the Find My iPhone thing. It’s hitting me hard – though I know I’m not the only one who’s ever lost a phone. The bar staff told us they'll check the CCTV footage and update us accordingly, but I'm not holding my breath.

I’ve had the phone since April of last year (so haven’t even had the phone for a year!) It was a time of my life when I was going nowhere. Despite that, my parents bought it for me. Initially, I was confused. I was depressed, was failing my subjects, was severely and painfully dissatisfied with my life yet lacked any sort of motivation to change things. I would come to know, when I told them, that they bought it for me as 1.) to reinforce my importance to them during a period when I felt like nothing and 2.) to hopefully push me to get my life back on track again. Note: need to remember how much luckier I am than most in that department in spite of the baggage and the frustrations with them.

Well now, I’ve been pretty happy with my life. It’s a far cry to the isolated shut-in I was before. I went back to college, made friends, etc. It even explains why I haven’t updated much since the first month I went back to school. In times when I actually do enjoy my life, I get less of an urge to engage in online communities.

And of course, there’s all the pictures, the screenshots, the notes. They aren’t saved in the cloud. Everything on that phone was a nice little archive of my life over the past nine months. I’m a very sentimental person, the type who finds it difficult to throw away a test paper from the 5^th grade, so you can imagine how much this realization shakes me.

I know, it's just a phone, it's just a phone. That's what the rational part of me says. Still. Losing the phone is fucking me up but I think I’m more upset about the things mentioned above. The sentimental stuff, what getting the phone meant to me in the context of my life. With all that in mind, it all feels heavier than just a phone.

I did all the usual things by now, removing that device from my accounts. But right now, I just want to live that early 2010s Tumblr Wi-Fi addiction cliché: order overpriced coffee and food (that is, if I actually get some appetite), retreat into my room, and binge-watch a bunch of shows. Maybe I'll even go back to writing fanfiction again! Isolating myself from the life I’ve recently started to enjoy seems very tempting. I don’t want to think about my classes, I don’t want to think about my friends.

On another note: one of the main purposes behind setting this account up in the first place was to share fiction writing and plots. And my blog decidedly has none of that. I'm still deciding whether to go on with it or keep this as purely an online diary.
 

Comments

[gleeok]

I hope everything gets better for you, rooting for you!