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Last night I posted on my Instagram story for what seemed like an eternity; a quick look at my archives shows that my last story was dated 2020. It was just a small clip of the college basketball game I attended. A close friend from high school viewed the story, and upon viewing her profile, I noticed she had removed me — so not only did she unfollow me, but she made it so that I unfollowed her as well.
To be honest, she was well within her right to do so given our history. I hadn't been the kindest, most considerate friend at that point in my life, which culminated in me ignoring her messages for months the summer after last the year of high school (this was way back in 2019).
We did reconnect before the pandemic hit, and we even hung out together a few times, so despite not catching up with each other since, I guess I assumed things had been okay between us. It's been literal years, and it looks like she's moved on from the mutual friends we had as well, so it's not like I expected us to reconnect ever again. It does still sting though. I do regret the way I've treated not just her, but everyone I knew when I was a teenager. I'm thankful for the people who still stayed.
It just all reminded me that I had severely underestimated the importance of human relationships. I thought of myself as disposable and treated others accordingly as a result. I had spent so much of my life thinking my presence never mattered and that I could never deeply affect another person's life. But my presence did matter, and everything I did affected somebody else. People have laughed, people have cried because of me; they thought of me, talked about me. I'm just as much of a people's person as anyone else.
I waited for the perfect group of people to come into my life, but the only people that matter are the ones around me, the ones already in my life. I am just now, after years of isolation, realising how important it is to show up for people and to take them into account. And this is precisely as to why I came to the basketball game yesterday when my classmate invited me, despite never having been a sports person. I can't afford to miss out anymore!!!
To be honest, she was well within her right to do so given our history. I hadn't been the kindest, most considerate friend at that point in my life, which culminated in me ignoring her messages for months the summer after last the year of high school (this was way back in 2019).
We did reconnect before the pandemic hit, and we even hung out together a few times, so despite not catching up with each other since, I guess I assumed things had been okay between us. It's been literal years, and it looks like she's moved on from the mutual friends we had as well, so it's not like I expected us to reconnect ever again. It does still sting though. I do regret the way I've treated not just her, but everyone I knew when I was a teenager. I'm thankful for the people who still stayed.
It just all reminded me that I had severely underestimated the importance of human relationships. I thought of myself as disposable and treated others accordingly as a result. I had spent so much of my life thinking my presence never mattered and that I could never deeply affect another person's life. But my presence did matter, and everything I did affected somebody else. People have laughed, people have cried because of me; they thought of me, talked about me. I'm just as much of a people's person as anyone else.
I waited for the perfect group of people to come into my life, but the only people that matter are the ones around me, the ones already in my life. I am just now, after years of isolation, realising how important it is to show up for people and to take them into account. And this is precisely as to why I came to the basketball game yesterday when my classmate invited me, despite never having been a sports person. I can't afford to miss out anymore!!!
